


What Happens at a GSA Meeting Stays at a GSA Meeting

by Star4545



Category: Carry On Series - Rainbow Rowell, Simon Snow & Related Fandoms
Genre: GSA, Internalized Homophobia, M/M, Pride
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-03
Updated: 2020-06-03
Packaged: 2021-03-04 02:21:31
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,407
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24516076
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Star4545/pseuds/Star4545
Summary: Baz joins Watford's GSA, makes new friends, and discovers secrets about the unrequited love of his life Simon Snow.
Relationships: Keris/Trixie (Simon Snow), Tyrannus Basilton "Baz" Pitch & Simon Snow, Tyrannus Basilton "Baz" Pitch/Simon Snow
Comments: 4
Kudos: 55





	What Happens at a GSA Meeting Stays at a GSA Meeting

**Baz**

It’s second year when I first see the little sign on the Mummer’s bulletin board. You would only see if you looked closely. It’s not much bigger than a post-it notes, written in messy handwriting: Gay Straight Alliance meeting, every Friday, 7 pm. It has wonky, little rainbows on it.

I go to the first meeting. I don’t even know why. I don’t consider myself gay. I like girls and girls like me. On that Friday, I find myself in an empty classroom. There is one guy in there; a fourth year who I know from footie. He’s the leader of this whole thing. He looks happy when I step into the room.

“Hi Baz,” he says. He has a smile on his face. I’ve never talked to him before, not one on one. I’m surprised he even knows my name. I think his is Evan.

“Hi.” I look around the room. 

“It’s the first year. I don’t think word has gotten around quite yet. Feel free to take a seat.” I sit down in a chair across from him in this circle of chairs he has made. “We’ll wait two more minutes then get started.”

The two minutes pass in extreme awkwardness. Evan never seems to lose hope and is filled with energy to start the meeting.

“Alright to start I think we should say names, pronouns, year, and gender/sexual orientation if you feel comfortable. I’ll start, yeah? Name’s Evan, he/him, fourth year, and I’m gay.” He smiles at me. It’s annoying how bright his smile is. This whole time, I thought he was a chav, but he generally seems friendly.

“I’m Baz, he/him, second year, and I’m straight.” I don’t look Evan in the eye. I feel stupid. Why did I even come? I can feel his eyes on me.

“So, I think we should start with goals for the year. My personal goal is to up the amount of people in this club.”

“Make a bigger sign.” I say.

“That’s a good idea. I think we should also plan some events.”

Evan and I talk about ideas for the year. He’s a friendly guy to talk to. I like planning events and awareness projects that can be fulfilled throughout the year. I leave the meeting feeling really happy.

On Monday, there is a new sign on the Mummer’s bulletin board. It’s on a piece of A4 paper, big block letters read out the club’s information, the rainbows look much better. There are even tear away slips with the information. I take a slip.

I go to the second meeting. I still don’t know why, but I want to talk further through our plans for the year. I’m the first person to arrive other than Evan. The chairs are already set up and he smiles over at me.

“Nice to see you again, Baz.” I just saw him in practice a little more than two hours ago. “Great score today.” I feel my cheeks heat up. Why did I have to feed today? I sit down. I wish I’d paid attention to him in practice, so I could compliment him back, but I don’t have anything to say.

There is an awkward silence between us until Evan decides it’s time to start the meeting. We talk about our goals once again, planning for more engagement. He said he’ll put a sign up on other boards around school not just in the dorms.

I am just about to leave when Evan stops me. He puts his hand on my shoulder, I almost flinch away. I’m not used to people touching me.

“Baz, are you sure you are straight?” Evan’s looking at me intently. I have to look up to meet his glance, he is so much taller than me.

“Yes, why would you even-” He kisses me on the lips. It’s just a little peck, but it’s still there. My first kiss taken by some _guy…_ and yet, I didn’t hate it. Evan steps away.

“I’m sorry.” I touch my finger to my lips.

“Can you kiss me again?” I ask. Evan comes closer to me and tilts my head up in his hands. He kisses me again. His lips are really chapped, but I don’t mind it.

“Are you sure about being straight now?” He says as he pulls away. I had never really entertained the idea that I like boys. I never consciously caught myself staring at them and wishing they would kiss me. It’s because deep down I know that my father would have a field day with me, but this is a safe space and my father isn’t here. Evan is standing there, expecting an answer that I don’t have. An answer I need to think long and hard about, have a cry over, and come to terms with. I need to figure out if it’s attraction to all boys or attraction to the first boy, the first person, to ever kiss me.

“I’ll tell you next week,” I say because I’m a coward. Evan smirks, kissing my cheek, and leaving me alone in an empty classroom.

I avoid Evan like the plague. It’s hard because I have football practice five days a week and he’s on the team. He smiles at me when he sees me and cheers when I score. It’s all too much. Within the week, I have realized two things: that I find boys much more attractive than I ever found girls and that some disgusting part of me finds Simon Snow attractive. I try and dispel that part of my mind to try and focus that energy on Evan. A guy that likes me. An older, smarter guy that likes me. An older, smarter guy who isn’t bound to kill me when we don’t have the anathema binding us together.

When I enter the classroom, there is another person in the circle. I don’t know who they are, but they look familiar. I soon recognize it to be my roommate’s annoying best friend’s roommate, Trixie. She’s half pixie and I’ve heard numerous complaints from Snow about her. She smiles at me, yet another person I’ve never had an interest in talking to.

“Welcome Baz,” Evan says. I sit down in my normal chair, glaring over at Trixie. “Trixie says there is another person coming, so we are just going to wait.”

Soon another girl enters and rushes over to Trixie’s side. Evan smiles as the new girl kisses Trixie on the cheek.

“Welcome to our new members. We’ll go around and say names, pronouns, year, and gender/sexual orientation if you feel comfortable. I’m Evan, he/him, fourth year, gay. Baz, would you go next please?”

“I’m Baz, he/him, second year…” I take a moment, trying to figure out what to call myself, but knowing deep in my heart, “I’m gay.” Trixie lets out a surprised little noise. I know it must be a shock. A lot of the girls here find me attractive, but there are plenty of other attractive straight men at Watford.

“I’m Trixie, she/her, second year, I’m a lesbian.” She smiles over at her girlfriend. It’s annoying how cute they are together.

“I’m Keris, she/her, second year, bisexual.”

“Great! Now that we are caught up, let’s get onto business.”

It’s just the four of us for the rest of the school year. Evan and I don’t become anything more than friends. He’ll sometimes wait for me after practice and whisk me into a shower stall in the locker room and kiss me. He’ll hold my hand in club sometimes. I don’t know if he is out to people, I’m surely not. He doesn’t seem to want anything more than what we have. I don’t know if I’d be able to give him anything more.

When I return for third year, Snow is lying on his bed. He’s gotten all spotty over the summer; there are red pimples lining his face. He doesn’t seem bothered by it. He’s still attractive though. I spent a good amount of my summer thinking about him, trying to remember every bit of him. I feel guilty for not thinking about the boy I can actually have, but I can’t find it in me to change my habits.

I’m overjoyed to see new signs on the bulletin a week into term. It’s nicely printed now, in a nice font with clip art cartoon rainbows. It’s all very cute and very Evan. I go to first meeting. It’s nice to see the gang back together. Evan is there, a huge smile on his face. He comes up to hug me. The girls seem happy to see me as well. Trixie’s dyed her hair and is spouting utter nonsense that I’m used to by now. Evan barely let go of my hand the entire meeting and I don’t mind.

A few weeks into school, a new member joins us, a boy named Rhys. I know he is friends with Snow. He’s just here to support, but we need all the support we can get.

Third year ends in a big blur. We won the big football match, my love for Simon Snow shows no end, and Evan and I still kiss sometimes when we both feel lonely. He’s told me that he’s in love with his best friend who is painfully straight. I tell him about Snow. We both revel in never getting the ones we want, but at least we have each other to hide in and we have the club where we don’t have to hide at all.

**Simon**

For as long as I can remember I’ve been bullied at the homes. No matter where I go, there is always one or two kids who aren’t afraid like the others and treat me like their punching bag. I never fight back; I do enough fighting over the school year to last a lifetime. The punches and kicks are always emphasized with the word “gay.” When I was small, I just thought it meant idiot, but it was clear that the other boys knew what it really meant.

The staff never really helped out; they were afraid of me too. No one ever took any pity for me. Before Watford, when I was at one home, there cared more. Maybe it was because I was smaller and there was clear evidence that I was doing nothing wrong. I always tried to pick up extra chores so they would like me. There was one worker who genuinely cared for me. I’m pretty sure now that she was a Mage because she was never scared. She found me outside one day when I was beaten so bad, I couldn’t move. There was blood everywhere. I was about seven and she got me to my feet and took me to the first aid kit to clean me up. I asked her:

“What does gay mean?” She looked at me. “The boys call me that.”

“Gay is the word for a man who loves another man,” she said in a calm tone while she bandaged me up. “It’s not an insult. I’m gay.” I remember laughing, not fully understanding.

“But you’re a girl.”

“Girls can be gay too. The word’s lesbian.” I nodded, swinging my legs back and forth from the chair I was sitting on. “I don’t know why they call you that, Simon. Don’t let it get to you. You have a right to be who you are.”

“I’m not gay.” She smiled and ruffled my hair.

“You’re good to go, sweetie. Next time those boys bully you, please let me know.”

I never did let her know. I never said who they were. I think she knew, but I didn’t want to be hated for anything else. I remember her being so sad to let me go when the Mage came. She bent down to my level and gave me a big hug. She told me I would go on to do great things. I think she knew I was the Chosen One all along.

Those insults didn’t stop. No matter the boy’s home, someone always called me gay. I have such an aversion to the word now. I don’t have a problem with gay people, but I feel like I could never label myself as such. I can’t be gay, not that I am gay. I don’t like boys. Every summer, I go to a home and someone catches my eye. Next thing I know, I’m on the ground with the word gay being thrown around like a slur.

**Baz**

Sixth year is now upon us. Within the past two years, we have amassed a good number of people in the club. Trixie and Keris are still going strong. Penelope Bunce of all people has come to be the biggest straight ally the world has ever known. After a long-winded and emotionally draining coming out conversation between my closest friend and my cousin, they are now a part of the club. There’s Rhys, another amazing straight ally. And the biggest surprise of them all, Agatha Wellbelove. When she joined, I was thoroughly surprised. She had just broken off things with Snow for the second time in three months and she acted like nothing had happened. She sat down and identified herself as asexual and Penelope hugged her. Agatha wasn’t into Penelope’s overwhelming support, but she’s gotten used to it.

It’s Evan’s last year. I sit next to him in meetings. He’ll put a hand on my knee and pretend it’s subtle, but it’s really not. We hooked up at the end of last term. I’m not angry about him being my first time. He’s still head over heels for his best friend and I’m still head over heels for Simon, but it felt right. No one can deny that Evan isn’t attractive, sweet, kind, and a great footie player. Maybe in another universe, I could love him, and he could love me.

In honor of Evan’s last year, the club is planning a prom, like the Americans have. He’s told me he is going to come out to his best friend there. He’s worried because sometimes his friend makes semi-homophobic comments. It’s mostly his friend calling things “gay.”

The meeting is about to start when the door opens. It’s the middle of term and while new members can join at any time, this is surely a weird time to. The door opens and Snow comes in. I feel my blood boil and my heart speed up. Not just because he is standing there, but because I haven’t come out to him yet. I just got the courage to tell my family, I wasn’t expecting to come out to him so soon and definitely not here where Evan’s hand is in mine.

**Simon**

I might have followed Baz to the meeting. Since last year, I’ve found myself wanting to know where Baz is at every minute. I go to every football practice. Penelope sometimes sits with me and does homework while I watch Baz make goals. I haven’t missed a game.

I always see Baz leave the room around this time to go somewhere. Not until today have I outright followed him. I’m shocked when I enter the room. All these people that I love are in one room all together. Penelope is there and she looks shocked to see me, Agatha looks even more shocked. Dev and Niall, Trixie and Keris, fucking Rhys. I lock eyes with Baz. He’s holding hands with a boy who I know is on the footie team. The boy smiles at me with a huge grin that brings out two huge dimples on the sides of his face.

“Oi, you’re Simon Snow.” He lets go of Baz’s hand and gets up to enthusiastically shake my hand. He shakes so hard I feel like my arm will pop off. “Pleasure to meet you, mate. Grab a seat, the meeting is about to start.” Baz is giving me the death glare as I sit down. “Alright, you know how this goes people. I’m Evan, he/him, eighth year, gay.” What is Baz doing holding the hand of an eighth year.

“Baz, he/him, sixth year, gay,” Baz says. I didn’t know he was gay. I feel something within me fester. Why wouldn’t he tell me that he was gay. My mind goes in circles till it gets to me.

“Simon, he/him, sixth year,” I pause. I don’t know what I am. Sometimes I think I like boys. I find myself staring at them a lot, specially the boys on the footie team. I don’t know if it’s attraction though. “I dunno what I am.” Baz and I lock eyes again.

“And that’s perfectly okay,” Evan says. His positivity annoys me. Is that what I’m like? “Alright, so it’s time to discuss more prom plans.”

**Baz**

When the meeting ends, Snow is quick to get out the room as soon as possible. Penny, Agatha, and I aren’t far behind. “Did you follow me or were you actually in interested in the lives of LGBTQ+ students at Watford?” I ask once we are out in the open. We are halfway to Mummer’s when he stops and turns around.

“Why didn’t you tell me you were gay?” He asks. I’m taken aback by him asking me a question and not answering mine.

“I don’t have to share details of my personal life with you.”

“You tell people in the club, but don’t tell me that you’re gay and have a boyfriend.”

“Evan isn’t my boyfriend.”

“Does he know that?” With every response I walk closer to him, he isn’t backing up.

“Yes.”

**Penny**

They are shouting at each other even though they are standing barely six feet apart. Some students have stopped to watch whatever is about to unfold. It looks like they are either about to punch each other or kiss.

**Baz**

Snow is fuming. If I would’ve known he was so interested in being amicable, I would’ve made a truce. He keeps winding me up and I keep winding him up in return. I ‘m close to him, closer than I’ve ever been before.

“You never answered my question. Did you follow me, or did you actually want to be at that club meeting?”

“Both.”

“Are you gay, Snow?” It comes out accusatory, but I didn’t mean it to. His face has turned all red. I’m close enough that I could kiss him. I want to kiss him.

“Fuck off.” I lose all control and I kiss him.

**Penny**

When I woke up this morning, I would never expect this to happen. One minute, they are kissing. It’s no surprise, they are hopelessly in love with each other, anyone with eyes could see that. One minute later, Simon has pushed Baz to the ground and started to kick and punch him.

“I’m not gay,” Simon yells over and over. Agatha and I run over; she gets Simon off of Baz and I help Baz up.

As soon as he is on his two feet, Baz is speed walking to Mummer’s. I lock eyes with Agatha who is trying to calm Simon down. For a man just kicked and punched, Baz is walking pretty fast. I end up catching up to him right before he enters Mummer’s.

“Baz!”

“What do you want?” I follow him up the stairs to their room. He unlocks the door and shuts it in my face.

“Baz! Please don’t shut me out. I want to help you.” The door opens after a couple seconds. Baz goes back to sitting on his bed. He is looking out the window. I take out my wand and I start casting healing spells on him. He barely bats an eyelash. After I’m done, I plop down next to him. I grab his hand.

“You love Simon, don’t you?”

“Is it that obvious?”

“Yes.” He huffs.

**Baz**

Simon is in Agatha’s arms. He looks like he is still upset. There is a cloud of smoke riling around him. Evan, the nice man that he is, has kneeled down in front of Simon and is talking with him. Wouldn’t this all be easier if I loved him instead. Penny is talking, trying to calm me from a sadness or anger that I’m not feeling. Instead, I want to go back down there and calm him myself. I want to tell him it’s okay to be gay. I want to kiss him again and again.

Evan leaves Simon and starts to come in the direction of Mummers. Penny must’ve realized I’m far from listening and has stopped talking.

“Why didn’t you help Simon?” Penny shrugs.

“Agatha’s stronger so she could easily get Simon back. She was already in the situation of helping Simon, so I came to comfort you.”

“I’m okay.”

“Are you sure about that?” Evan says, standing in my open doorway. He’s never come to my room before.

“Penny, can we have a minute?” She gets up and leaves my room as Evan enters. It’s weird seeing him here. I allow myself to finally feel the pain that is around my heart. Pitches don’t cry, but I feel like I’m about to. Evan comes and sits on my bed and I put my head on his shoulder.

“You don’t have to be alright around me.” I nod, letting a few tears slip.

“I’m sorry you had to see that.”

“Are you kidding? I’ve always wanted to have a run in with Watford football’s biggest fan.” I look at him, he’s smiling. “Good on you for confronting your crush. I don’t think I’ll ever be able to do that.”

“One day, you’ll be able to. At least your crush is your best friend, mine is my enemy.”

I look out the window. Penny is now sitting with Snow, the smoke is gone and so is Agatha. It’s awkward having him here, yet so comforting.

“It’ll work out,” he says. “You just have to believe it.”

“How do you know?”

“I see the way he looks at you. He comes to all the football games and while I would love to say we have a supporter, it’s really just you who has one. How can you be so blind to it all, Baz? I thought you were top of your class.” I stare at Evan.

“You have a man out there who loves you. He might not be able to love himself because of it, but I know he must have feelings for you deep down. It’s so close. Seize the opportunity. Let me live vicariously through your relationships because I’m too much of a coward to get my relationship sorted.”

“I’ll wait for him to come here. I don’t want to confront him in front of everyone.”

“Do what you need to do,” Evan says, standing up. He pats my shoulder and leaves the room.

A few minutes pass before I look out the window again. Snow is gone. Penny must’ve whisked him away. I break the glance and lie down on my bed, staring at the ceiling. The sound of clambering footsteps, through living with Snow for years I know his footsteps, breaks the silence. There he is, sitting on his bed, hair captured in a tight fist.

“I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to hurt you.” I look over at him, beautiful man he is.

“I’m sorry if I offended you.” Pitches don’t apologize, but I know apologizing will make everything easier.

“I’ve had really bad experiences with the term and I really hate coming to terms that I’m going to have to identify myself with it.”

“You don’t have to label yourself. You can just be Simon Snow and be with whomever you want.”

“Really?”

“Really.”

“Wow. Thanks.” I think this is the most civil conversation we’ve ever had. He lies down on his bed, putting his dirty shoes on his blankets, but I don’t pester him about it.

Simon and I keep to ourselves. He comes to club sometimes, but barely talks. He’s just been omitting the sexual orientation part which is a perfectly fine thing to do. The prom is coming up steadily. We are in the last leg on preparations, the event being this weekend, right after finals end. I bought a new suit last weekend; navy blue with red roses. I wonder if Simon has a suit or if he’ll show up in trackies. He would, the bastard.

On the day of the event, I don’t see Simon at all. Evan and I decide to get ready together even though all we have to is put on a suit and do our hair. Evan is going to come out to his friend today and needed all the support he could get.

When we walk into our prom, it’s amazing. The decoration committee really went all out. There are rainbow balloons and all the different pride flags. I felt myself tear up. Then I look over to the dance floor and there is Snow in a wonderful navy-blue suit (Crowley, we match) dancing with Penelope and Agatha. He sees me and waves me over as if there wasn’t any animosity between us. Since our fight, things between us have gotten easier. He jokes with me now sometimes and we even study together. Evan nudges my arm.

“Go. I gotta find Connor anyway.”

I walk over to the gang. They all smile at me. There is some trashy early 2000’s pop that I don’t really remember listening to, but I somehow know all the lyrics. We dance together and when the room starts to get more crowded, Simon takes my hand and takes me outside. The night is cool, the sun hasn’t fully gone down yet.

“Baz, I think I’ve finally come to terms with who am I.”

“That’s great.”

“I’m gay.” It seems to take a lot out of him, but I pat him on the shoulder.

“Congrats, Simon.”

“I don’t know if I’m ready to kiss boys yet, but when I am, would you maybe want to?” 

“I would love to.”

Evan finds me later and tells me that everything went well. His friend was supportive. We dance together some of the night, but I really focus on the friends that I’ve made through the club and the boy that will always be in my heart.


End file.
